-Edit: This post was typed out in Sept 2016 and it's already the August 2017


This sounds like a long overdue post since the last time I went for a trip with G to Penang was WAY back in 2012 or was it 2013. (See, it has been so long that I don't even remember, but I do remember a draft about it chucked somewhere in midst of all the drafts that I have, which reminds that I need to clean up that too.)

If you've kept up with my post on Instagram, which is mainly the most updated of my ever thinning social life, you'll know that G and I are in a LDR and it hadn't been easy. Absence makes the heart go fonder, that's true but they didn't say that it includes the whole 'Wish you were here when I need a shoulder or a hug' along the lines. It does make me appreciate every single conversation or time I have with her. Of course also when I get to meet her, every single problem seem so far away. This is supposed to a post on the weekend trip I had with her when we met halfway, her from Penang and me driving from KL. To meet in my hometown, Ipoh!

This trip was also another overdue trip that we planned but because we needed an excuse to see each other, we made this happen finally. Haha! Driving all the way down to Penang (straight 4hours drive) is such a pain in the ass, literally. But I trained my endurance, from not being able to drive for 2 hours straight., I made it to 4.5 hours!

Being the festival food freak that I recently admitted myself am, I had this strong urge to make it back to Ipoh on Mooncake Festival, even though I reached home at 11pm but still, an hour before the festival ends. I had my first slice of mooncake when I got home. (: Ah, home.

G drove from Penang the next day and she was just an hour too late, if not we could have grabbed breakfast together. But oh well, who would have thought my parents decided to take the day off and wake me up at 8am to go have breakfast with them. But family time is GOLD. Never gets tired of the aunties and uncles asking which daughter I am, the eldest or the second and ask about my siblings. Quite funny if you ask me.

Back to the main topic, which are mostly pictures but they speak a thousand words for me. I know I can write a gazillion descriptive paragraphs for each picture but I would bore you guys, so, picture time!

Day #1


Had brunch at Sun Yeong Wai, which I haven't been to for almost 10 years.

Got home, rest a bit because I woke up too early and because G  was tired from the driving.

Then we headed out to good ol' Oldtown of Ipoh.
Drove around to find Parking and found a secluded one that only a local would know (I'm not bragging but I'm lucky I worked nearby the parking that I know it existed.) then we walked over to Concubine Lane. So the few listed places are actually places that I owed G the last time she was here and also a few places made famous by the power of THE Social Media. LOL.

Kong Heng Square
Tan Kee Klang Bak Kut Teh
Ipoh Kinta Riverfront

It was also my first time playing Pokemon GO and it was only for one night. Hahaha. Thanks love for lending me your phone and making sure I don't get run over by cars.

Day #2

Someone discovered that her so called acidocis a.k.a heaty symptoms turned out to be the sudden spurt of one of her wisdom tooth. So it was a very sad thing but I won't let it spoil our weekend trip. Haha. So we went to:

Qing Xin Ling Cultural Village (which was located 5mins away from my place)
Ipoh Parade
Food at Sushi Zanmai

Very casually called home to ask if they wanted any food but then Daddy said Mummy made food, ergo, we went back and still had dinner, second round! Mummy made prawn!! More like I made it because I got back just in time for the cooking process of the prawns.

Tong Shui Kai (this is the super long overdue place I promised her from years back but didn't get to go because of the timing but now, I am so dragging her there) And got into 'discussion' on Ai Yu Ice and Wan Tao Long. 

Day #3

We both planned to wake up early to drive back but because someone had a slight fever, she woke up a bit later and we packed to depart back to Penang and KL. Just getting into two different cars to go to the same highway made me feel so sad that we're so far apart but it is a learning process and I'll have to give credit that it is letting us learn to grow up. It's not like I like it but it's a good thing. Learning to grow up never gets old.

In conclusion, I feel like I've achieved so much this year:
- I learned to live alone ALL over again (this time in KL)
- I learned to drive around such a city, even though quite dependent on Google Maps, except Bangsar
- I learned to make good use of my money to survive for one month
- I can drive up to such long hours
- I reconnected with some of my old friends
- I have my first goal in life

And the pictures of Gurney are because I joined the gym (refer to first Gurney picture up there) and that's the view I get every morning while running on the treadmill. So healthy of me but it was mainly because my retail job was just in the mall and it was convenient and I might as well be able to strike of something from my resolution since so many years back. Haha. I'd gladly go to gym here once I've settled everything in terms of my financial management and all because the gym here is more pricey and to need to drive there is quite a hassle. Hmmmm. I'll need to reconsider. Hmmmm.

So the true meaning behind this is very abstract and only people with the experience would have a true input to its meaning and truth to be told; it's really confusing.

But I guess, this video explains it all.


Might just enjoy as it is and think in other people's shoes once in a while, do some real thinking and have some concern for other people as well as keeping your blood pressure at where it is supposed to be at. Lol.

These are some of the questions from my ask.fm page.. Some questions are all the way back from a year ago.

People never thought I could cry.

No one knew I could bawl my eyes out.

Because to them, I am the Penny who has inks and piercings no one dared to approach and I was never the one to fall down and bruise my knees.

Because to them.. I was always the one they could confide in and never break a sweat if the same thing ever happen to me.

Because to them, Penny is a tough girl who only gets mad when she didn't get enough sleep and would protect people she knows no matter what.

Penny is a friend's 'knight in shining armor'.

Penny never has problems.

Penny this.

Penny that.

It's a few more days from a new year, 2014.
I won't be doing any crappy resolution which I will just end up piling up with the rest of the things I would surely procrastinate over doing.

Instead, I'll be going a full reflection on my life until this point of moment.

I will not lie and say that I was never naive nor filled with magical fairy dusts that buys me fantasies that things will always be sparkly and mean people only exists on the telly.

Okay maybe the magical fairy dust is a little too not me, I just never thought people could have that many faces okay. (lol)

& now, going through works and college and staying with people who ain't family, I learned so many things..

And even though it's painful, but only during the darkest moment you get to see who will give you a hand. If we're not too clouded by the pain, you'll see who is pretending to lend you hand.


I learned so many things..

So many things has awakened me..So many things has awakened me from this deep sleep..

People try to hurt me with words and lies, bring me down and sink me deeper.

I thought I was going to sink.. it did hurt but the trust has brought me a shield.. A protective shield that will never go away.

I know who is real, who isn't.. okay maybe not yet in the state that I know who is real but at least I can confirm who is really fake.

I learn that people has many faces, some with really mean bitchy faces that goes around hurting people.

I also learned that trust comes to build after meeting challenges..


One thing that made me realize I was always doing wrong was, letting my anger cloud my judgement.. I thought I was good at controlling this, but turned out I never was. But now, from leashing out, I can actually sit down for a drink with anger before making any decisions. Weighing things from their pros and cons.

Yours Truly has grown up, it's about time isn't it?

Yours Truly has awakened from a long nightmare of anger and in denial.

Not everyone is almighty, even with the greatest plan there's a loophole.

I learned to appreciate every one** even if they have pissed me off really badly before because every one has beauty but not everyone sees it.

**But backstabbing people who try to hurt people I love, or hurt me and try to get my pity. That's doing too much. Maybe one day I can forgive that person but not now. Not next year. That person has done too much.

I feel more sane, more confident, more right even making decisions now.

Even found the need and time to sit down and get things straight every now and then, to think of my day or week. Or even think for myself and people whom I love around me..

Some people find me staring into space, okay, maybe Biscuits sees a lot of that in me but during that moment, things run wild like crazy in my mind.

Things in my life, gems and loves.

And all the near death moments I went through within these few weeks got me thinking really deep..
So deep even at a small possibility of leaving brings me into a sobbing fit..

Wiping away the in-deniability and blurred thoughts, I made up my mind to wake up.

To wake up from the old me and become a new me, though cliche, new me new year.

Hopefully, waking up now, isn't too late.

Home will never be the same again.

Sometimes, you think you're afraid but you're not..
You worry, you worry for that person..

Because the person isn't you and you cannot understand what they are thinking, so you worry even more.
Because even in our deepest worries, we ourselves can't solve our own mind problem we think we understood of.

So you worry.
You worry for that person whom brains and thoughts you cannot understand.
You worry for that person whom heart you cannot touch.
You worry for that person who is very important and you can't lose them no matter what.
You worry for that person because that person is home.

Home will never be the same again but our support for you, M, will always be the same.

We love you.

if I was to leave this world and never come back..

That was the darkest part of me.I never wanted to let out.But the darkness is overwhelming me.Taking over me.Taking a toll on me.Killing me softly.

I realized in these few days there are things in my mind that I have changed & by change, I mean it in a good way because I'm more temperament ( I know I may not be the best in controlling my anger and I always make rash decisions such as blabber my anger or my frustration all online or doing things I knew I would regret before doing it and yet doing it) I am doing things I do not normally do; e.g. keep a reflection journal (not a diary but a reflection journal) where I reflect on what I have done and what better could I have done and how I appreciate a days of hard work and how to think in people's shoes.

I was a bad person == I mean, I was so harsh and mean sometimes, not mean girls mean but I could be worse. I was ugly, personality was ugly but I changed that, I could see that. I mean, if I accept people for who they are, they will do the same to me right? Gives and takes, that's what life is all about.

I hope, what we've been through will only be a phase..to make us stronger and more solid in our relationship, because I have learned so much, I grew up so much and believe in the strong will of the both of us.

Even though life may seem hard with all the piling assignments and errands and life itself going on; never give up.

We only live once.

I shed so many tears listening to my 'self-proclaimed' godmothers' life stories.

You know, sometimes, you learn that there's always a silver lining around every cloud, even in the darkest nights and dimmest moments. You just need to live through it.

Make things work if you want it. You don't hope, you don't wish; wishes only come during birthdays and celebrations, you MAKE things work.

And arguments are better than nothing at all because not saying what needs to be said that's been in your heart will only torment yourself.

Love has so many twist and turns but takes the right one to find its way back home.

What takes for someone like me, to be so oblivious, so blind, so dumb to not see these things?

Opposites attract?

Differences are essential?

I don't think it is impossible for complete opposites to be together; what one half lacks can be filled by the other half. You know, like Mulan II's Yin & Yang?

I noticed, loving this way isn't that bad after all;
Sneaking glances.
Midnight interlaced fingers.
Speaking in abstract.
Random cheekiness.

The only thing I miss is the random thoughts texts.
Maybe because there isn't nothing to ask of as we are always side by side.

I thought the spark has dimmed but from time to time; I feel it; a spark where when I see that smile, my heart smiles because that is one good smile and it is for me.

What is in the future, it is not ours to see but to fight for.

We should not lose ourselves, no matter the circumstances. Even when you are half of something; you are still you. There's no doubt to that and no one is to tell you that you don't deserve things you've fought so hard for.

Easy and carefree, can it be like this or is it a must that these two elements cannot exist in love?

Can I have this recipe to create love?
TrustConfidenceEaseCarefreeIndependenceCareCommunication

Maybe along the way there are bumps, because smooth sailing isn't 100% guaranteed in anything in life.

This isn't a promise, but something I wanna say. It's something about giving and taking; will you give me what I want to take and I give you what you want to take as well?

It isn't easy, loving this way.

But I want it and I want to. I want to have this because being part of your life isn't that bad after all.

I want, you..

I am actually, seated here in boo's living room, with my ass frozen and laptop booted to type my post after I re-read my vintage chocolate blog.


I realized how much I used to write and how much I used to express in my blogs.
But lately, I don't have the motivation to even write; because I get distracted, distracted enough I don't really get anything done.

I recently got a 3 week production period shortened to 1 weeks time accompanied by really bad migraine, fever and bad gastric problems. So I had breakdowns where I actually cry and throw tantrums at my things (not people. but my things)

& now, the sudden relief of the assignments and fashion show being over; I feel uncomfortable. So uncomfortable, it does not feel right for me to sleep early. Or maybe it is because I feel insecure, being alone at home, not knowing if the double locks I have at home is enough security to keep me safe at night.

I don' know what I'm babbling about but I think I should stop, it's cold and I feel sad.

People,
I think I have issues. Crazy temper issues.
I get really grumpy or pissy really easily and it's annoying myself, literally,
Have you been annoyed at yourself for being angry all the time?
And when you have PMS; that's why people decide to mess with you, bite 'em bitches. (LOL)
After a talk with my mom and love, I decided, I'll tone my anger down.
I can't get rid of them completely, they are what keeping me grounded and strong.
I'll ignore people with meaningless thoughts, play along with people who play, act with them actors & actresses and do what I'm supposed to do: study!

After tonight; I think I have to dedicate to my family & love a tattoo and one for myself. But of what, I don't know yet. These are a few ideas of placements. 

I have my ups and downs like many other people.
Even worse when my hormones go crazy with the month, but just bear with it.
I may have negative thoughts when my whole turbulence wave comes but at least they are only thoughts with no action put to it. It's just how I wish to express my hatred and my disagreement to the situation.
I know there's always a silver lining around every fluffy clouds in the world but with my choice, I'd like to choose my own path, and have my own chances.
Other people's failure doesn't mean it'll be the same for me. Maybe the possibilities of falling into the same down pit category is big because it's a majority factor but I believe I am special.
Everyone is special in their own way so am I.
I do not end up like other people out on the streets if I make myself better, if I make that choice and fall on my own.

I get back up.

Let me give it a try, give me a chance.
Don't judge me and try to put others' shadow in my reflection.
I am me, they are them.
Nothing ends the same if you don't let them to.

I believe in myself and as who I've believed in for so many years, I hope you give me some trust too.

Thanks.

I was usually patronizing them, selling them off sealed with a bliss(that's what I'd describe it as) smile. But since it has been half years since I've been with my love & I'm dying to kick off this blog back to life with an interesting post, I shall share with you guys. (:

It was my birthday celebration, I'd link it but I was too busy to even blog about it. ): I'd do a brief one here then I'll post it soon. After almost  year. Well, that's procrastination alright.

I have a cake from my coursemates and then Derrick started the cake fight, caking Nana, then I found someone, a victim. It was her, I took a slab of cream from the Secret Recipe cake and chased after her. Trying to smother some right in her face. I did succeed and from that day we exchanged random conversations; from short 'Hi's & 'bye's to asking for a ride home from her.

Then at this very well first semester break, mom had me work part time since I had nothing much to do really back in Ipoh. So I did. The job was new but being the ever easily bored me, I had to text at least one person to help me survive work. I texted her. She'd always reply me and she's always cracking jokes, making me smile and definitely helping my time pass.

On the 30th, she asked me if I'd mind if she's to call me baby.

Her reasoning to that was, she calls most of her friends that. ( little lie there ;P )

I was alright with it, because honestly, it's okay with me.

Then, it was like playing with fire. She's the first person I wanted to call on New Years. The first person I think of texting when I first opened my eyes awake from my sleep. The last person I want to text good night to before I sleep. I was confused. Calling each other baby was like a daily routine. Wishing her a 'good morning baby' was a habit and it makes me smile like an idiot to myself when she replies similar to it. :)

Then my colleague asked me one time if she was trying to court me. I didn't know what to answer her, I texted her though. Asked her the same question but her question, somehow, upset me.

She said: " I would want to but I'm not into it at the moment. "

I was bummed, totally upset but I didn't know why.

Then she stopped calling me baby, addressing me with my name again, things got really uptight, really strange, as if everything before, what she texted, what she said, everything was just a dream. And real life was nightmare all over again.


It was disastrous, a torture when I really wished to celebrate her birthday with her but I was afraid I would upset her. But a while after that, I made my decision.

It was new to me.

The road was  new to me.

The experience was new to me.

But I was willing to try, for her.

She still wouldn't call me 'baby' again though. I missed it, I mentioned it to her an then she told me that she wouldn't call me 'baby' unless we start to date. I said I would try but it didn't mean she'd let me in her life.

It took me a whole lot of my gut to buy myself couple rings and guessed her finger size. Measuring it mentally. Picturing her slender fingers comparing it to mine.

I have it with me, hoping the size would be just perfect.

One very fine Wednesday, half of the 118 batch had a night out at Mois. I thought: Oh, what a great opportunity to give her the ring. I did.

I waited for her and her friends to reach and I approached her right away. Striding in my heels, I went straight to her, catching her by the eye and aiming for something to act as my ring box. Her bowtie. I took it and slipped the ring through it's band and stuffing it back to her, with no one noticing & left.

I went right into the club as our table was ready and waited for her friends and her to come in. She came in, ring slipped in finger, my heart smiled like crazy, butterflies ready to gush out from my guts. I shouted in her ear against the loud music: I don't have mine. Turned out she's been eyeing the ring I had looped through my necklace. She knew I had it.

Aww.

The next day, I woke up to a text, she called me 'baby'. I knew. That is it. That's our start.

Our beginning.

She's my love, I'm hers.

I very sneakily asked her, "who's your baby ?"

She said : "PENNY CHONG."



It's been half a year since then: 6 months, 26 weeks, 182 days since that very day.

I love you baby.

I forever will. You don't believe in forever but forever, to me, means, every tomorrow that we all awake to live by. So we'll appreciate everyday we have for as long as we have tomorrow.

Sometimes, problems come up and just so coincidentally, they happen to happen when you're in your moody days.
You feel like the world just collapsed on you, the whole world's burden on your shoulders.
It feels hard to breathe, it's hard to even look through the tear blinded eyes.
Do what you want, eat what you want or simply do nothing. Just give yourself a moment.
Free your mind, blast some music or just let the tears run.
Remember, life is too short to hold grudges for too long or to put a pause to.

In a relationship, I have a different attitude. Not that I'm a hypocrite but in a sense that I'm different.

I love to wheedle and cuddle with my girlfriend.
I love to hold her hands and have as much skin contact as possible whenever possible because this keeps me safe. And as silly as it sounds, I feel serene to know that she's beside me, close to me.
I love it when she's pressed against my chest, just lying there, sleeping or napping. It keeps the butterflies calm and my heart beat worth the beats.
I love to whisper in her ears and run my fingers through her hair because it's endearment to me and it's very comforting.
 I love to listen to her voice because her voice is love.
 I love to hear her complain about the very little things in life and can't help but to mesmerize when she speaks of all her plans in the future because her eyes sparkles. I love to dive deep into her chocolaty eyes of hers and be the only one in her eyes.


 I know I've been hurting her a lot because of my ignorance in certain things in life, how selfish and how naive I get some times. I'm really sorry. Though it hurts to cry but it hurts me a million times more to see her eyes, swollen and so mysteriously dark, not the light brown I adore, after a cry.

To know that it was caused by me, is like having a knife stabbed right through my heart.

I hate how I always cry and worry her. How I keep quiet and not answer her questions to my tears. Because they were never caused by her, only because of my delirious thoughts of the nightmare I had, the fear I have, that caused it. Not her. It's unfair how she thinks it's because of her. She's so understanding and thoughtful.

No one is perfect, not me, not her. But it's how we choose to see beyond the imperfections that makes life beautiful and love such a miracle. 

 I appreciate her, I love her, I need her, I want to protect her, I want her forever and I will never ever leave. I love you, my love. I love you, my baby boo. I love you, my bii. I love you, my superman. I love you, my ever gracious love. I love you, my lover. I love you, my girlfriend. I love you, my Lim Wei En. I love you, my Lim Sze Ling. I love you, my G-Nil. I love you, my life.