It's a few more days from a new year, 2014.
I won't be doing any crappy resolution which I will just end up piling up with the rest of the things I would surely procrastinate over doing.

Instead, I'll be going a full reflection on my life until this point of moment.

I will not lie and say that I was never naive nor filled with magical fairy dusts that buys me fantasies that things will always be sparkly and mean people only exists on the telly.

Okay maybe the magical fairy dust is a little too not me, I just never thought people could have that many faces okay. (lol)

& now, going through works and college and staying with people who ain't family, I learned so many things..

And even though it's painful, but only during the darkest moment you get to see who will give you a hand. If we're not too clouded by the pain, you'll see who is pretending to lend you hand.


I learned so many things..

So many things has awakened me..So many things has awakened me from this deep sleep..

People try to hurt me with words and lies, bring me down and sink me deeper.

I thought I was going to sink.. it did hurt but the trust has brought me a shield.. A protective shield that will never go away.

I know who is real, who isn't.. okay maybe not yet in the state that I know who is real but at least I can confirm who is really fake.

I learn that people has many faces, some with really mean bitchy faces that goes around hurting people.

I also learned that trust comes to build after meeting challenges..


One thing that made me realize I was always doing wrong was, letting my anger cloud my judgement.. I thought I was good at controlling this, but turned out I never was. But now, from leashing out, I can actually sit down for a drink with anger before making any decisions. Weighing things from their pros and cons.

Yours Truly has grown up, it's about time isn't it?

Yours Truly has awakened from a long nightmare of anger and in denial.

Not everyone is almighty, even with the greatest plan there's a loophole.

I learned to appreciate every one** even if they have pissed me off really badly before because every one has beauty but not everyone sees it.

**But backstabbing people who try to hurt people I love, or hurt me and try to get my pity. That's doing too much. Maybe one day I can forgive that person but not now. Not next year. That person has done too much.

I feel more sane, more confident, more right even making decisions now.

Even found the need and time to sit down and get things straight every now and then, to think of my day or week. Or even think for myself and people whom I love around me..

Some people find me staring into space, okay, maybe Biscuits sees a lot of that in me but during that moment, things run wild like crazy in my mind.

Things in my life, gems and loves.

And all the near death moments I went through within these few weeks got me thinking really deep..
So deep even at a small possibility of leaving brings me into a sobbing fit..

Wiping away the in-deniability and blurred thoughts, I made up my mind to wake up.

To wake up from the old me and become a new me, though cliche, new me new year.

Hopefully, waking up now, isn't too late.