I don't have words anymore; because all I have to say have been said..
But I know one thing, if given the chance; I'll chase you back.

I realized in these few days there are things in my mind that I have changed & by change, I mean it in a good way because I'm more temperament ( I know I may not be the best in controlling my anger and I always make rash decisions such as blabber my anger or my frustration all online or doing things I knew I would regret before doing it and yet doing it) I am doing things I do not normally do; e.g. keep a reflection journal (not a diary but a reflection journal) where I reflect on what I have done and what better could I have done and how I appreciate a days of hard work and how to think in people's shoes.

I was a bad person == I mean, I was so harsh and mean sometimes, not mean girls mean but I could be worse. I was ugly, personality was ugly but I changed that, I could see that. I mean, if I accept people for who they are, they will do the same to me right? Gives and takes, that's what life is all about.

I hope, what we've been through will only be a phase..to make us stronger and more solid in our relationship, because I have learned so much, I grew up so much and believe in the strong will of the both of us.

Even though life may seem hard with all the piling assignments and errands and life itself going on; never give up.

We only live once.

I shed so many tears listening to my 'self-proclaimed' godmothers' life stories.

You know, sometimes, you learn that there's always a silver lining around every cloud, even in the darkest nights and dimmest moments. You just need to live through it.

Make things work if you want it. You don't hope, you don't wish; wishes only come during birthdays and celebrations, you MAKE things work.

And arguments are better than nothing at all because not saying what needs to be said that's been in your heart will only torment yourself.

Love has so many twist and turns but takes the right one to find its way back home.

What takes for someone like me, to be so oblivious, so blind, so dumb to not see these things?

"Are you two feeling relieved or miserable apart now? If you are miserable, you are in love."

Cam, Bones S9E01

You know, like you have an emptiness in your heart?

Time & a guarantee that stupid things will not happen again.

If only I could put this stubbornness and headstrong strength in completing things instead of not changing my bad habits of basic mannerisms.

2nd phase of this chemistry; I'll nail this! Not screw but nail!

Opposites attract?

Differences are essential?

I don't think it is impossible for complete opposites to be together; what one half lacks can be filled by the other half. You know, like Mulan II's Yin & Yang?

I noticed, loving this way isn't that bad after all;
Sneaking glances.
Midnight interlaced fingers.
Speaking in abstract.
Random cheekiness.

The only thing I miss is the random thoughts texts.
Maybe because there isn't nothing to ask of as we are always side by side.

I thought the spark has dimmed but from time to time; I feel it; a spark where when I see that smile, my heart smiles because that is one good smile and it is for me.

What is in the future, it is not ours to see but to fight for.

We should not lose ourselves, no matter the circumstances. Even when you are half of something; you are still you. There's no doubt to that and no one is to tell you that you don't deserve things you've fought so hard for.

Easy and carefree, can it be like this or is it a must that these two elements cannot exist in love?

Can I have this recipe to create love?
TrustConfidenceEaseCarefreeIndependenceCareCommunication

Maybe along the way there are bumps, because smooth sailing isn't 100% guaranteed in anything in life.

This isn't a promise, but something I wanna say. It's something about giving and taking; will you give me what I want to take and I give you what you want to take as well?

It isn't easy, loving this way.

But I want it and I want to. I want to have this because being part of your life isn't that bad after all.

I want, you..

I am actually, seated here in boo's living room, with my ass frozen and laptop booted to type my post after I re-read my vintage chocolate blog.


I realized how much I used to write and how much I used to express in my blogs.
But lately, I don't have the motivation to even write; because I get distracted, distracted enough I don't really get anything done.

I recently got a 3 week production period shortened to 1 weeks time accompanied by really bad migraine, fever and bad gastric problems. So I had breakdowns where I actually cry and throw tantrums at my things (not people. but my things)

& now, the sudden relief of the assignments and fashion show being over; I feel uncomfortable. So uncomfortable, it does not feel right for me to sleep early. Or maybe it is because I feel insecure, being alone at home, not knowing if the double locks I have at home is enough security to keep me safe at night.

I don' know what I'm babbling about but I think I should stop, it's cold and I feel sad.