It's been a while since I've been back, I think I owe it to myself to have this little balance in my life to express what have been lingering in my mind but I've found no time or person to tell to or just, not yet.

However, I've relocated to Kuala Lumpur, from one city to another, 3 states now hold a place I call home. But it is still too soon for me to call KL my home, I still consider it a hostel because it has only been, approaching 4 months since I moved here.

Relocating sucks, big time, but it also means exposure. Being exposed to new things, new environment and all that new drill thing. Learning to appreciate everything, I'd say, this is a big step forward in my career and also big step towards a better future.

Being far from home, 2 hours to one, an additional of another 2 more hours to another, makes me realize and yearn for one thing; holidays. I didn't get the privilege of getting weekends and public holidays off during my retail work days but now I do. So I look forward to long weekends, cheap flights or any sort of opportunity to escape the big city and to the vicinity of my loved ones; in 2 different states. Of course, I never forget to enjoy the moment I'm here in KL. ;)

G told me I should consider blogging about fashion, lifestyles and all that. I'm considering..because being able to write, snap and design does not mean I have to blog about fashion, right? And I don't have my personal photographer here for my OOTD shots. Heh.

However, I'll just let the pictures talk, a few of my favorite shots from the time I went on hiatus, to this date.

Pictures from 2nd June 2015 until 24th July 2016.

Hmm, I think I should work on the tabs on my blog with the links to the social medias I'm on. 

So the true meaning behind this is very abstract and only people with the experience would have a true input to its meaning and truth to be told; it's really confusing.

But I guess, this video explains it all.


Might just enjoy as it is and think in other people's shoes once in a while, do some real thinking and have some concern for other people as well as keeping your blood pressure at where it is supposed to be at. Lol.

Hey guys, I guess I've been gone for quite some time, I left off at Sya's wedding reception didn't I? I guess I'll just give you guys a quick update on my year so far. (:

It's already almost the end of August, which would've been my graduation showcase but due to some reasons, I wasn't able to graduate. Postponing my invitations to next year okay. Keep the anticipation going.

Pictures are not in order, I'll elaborate more in each post soon

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I realized in these few days there are things in my mind that I have changed & by change, I mean it in a good way because I'm more temperament ( I know I may not be the best in controlling my anger and I always make rash decisions such as blabber my anger or my frustration all online or doing things I knew I would regret before doing it and yet doing it) I am doing things I do not normally do; e.g. keep a reflection journal (not a diary but a reflection journal) where I reflect on what I have done and what better could I have done and how I appreciate a days of hard work and how to think in people's shoes.

I was a bad person == I mean, I was so harsh and mean sometimes, not mean girls mean but I could be worse. I was ugly, personality was ugly but I changed that, I could see that. I mean, if I accept people for who they are, they will do the same to me right? Gives and takes, that's what life is all about.

I hope, what we've been through will only be a phase..to make us stronger and more solid in our relationship, because I have learned so much, I grew up so much and believe in the strong will of the both of us.

Even though life may seem hard with all the piling assignments and errands and life itself going on; never give up.

We only live once.

I shed so many tears listening to my 'self-proclaimed' godmothers' life stories.

You know, sometimes, you learn that there's always a silver lining around every cloud, even in the darkest nights and dimmest moments. You just need to live through it.

Make things work if you want it. You don't hope, you don't wish; wishes only come during birthdays and celebrations, you MAKE things work.

And arguments are better than nothing at all because not saying what needs to be said that's been in your heart will only torment yourself.

Love has so many twist and turns but takes the right one to find its way back home.

"Are you two feeling relieved or miserable apart now? If you are miserable, you are in love."

Cam, Bones S9E01

You know, like you have an emptiness in your heart?

Time & a guarantee that stupid things will not happen again.

If only I could put this stubbornness and headstrong strength in completing things instead of not changing my bad habits of basic mannerisms.

2nd phase of this chemistry; I'll nail this! Not screw but nail!

I am actually, seated here in boo's living room, with my ass frozen and laptop booted to type my post after I re-read my vintage chocolate blog.


I realized how much I used to write and how much I used to express in my blogs.
But lately, I don't have the motivation to even write; because I get distracted, distracted enough I don't really get anything done.

I recently got a 3 week production period shortened to 1 weeks time accompanied by really bad migraine, fever and bad gastric problems. So I had breakdowns where I actually cry and throw tantrums at my things (not people. but my things)

& now, the sudden relief of the assignments and fashion show being over; I feel uncomfortable. So uncomfortable, it does not feel right for me to sleep early. Or maybe it is because I feel insecure, being alone at home, not knowing if the double locks I have at home is enough security to keep me safe at night.

I don' know what I'm babbling about but I think I should stop, it's cold and I feel sad.

People,
I think I have issues. Crazy temper issues.
I get really grumpy or pissy really easily and it's annoying myself, literally,
Have you been annoyed at yourself for being angry all the time?
And when you have PMS; that's why people decide to mess with you, bite 'em bitches. (LOL)
After a talk with my mom and love, I decided, I'll tone my anger down.
I can't get rid of them completely, they are what keeping me grounded and strong.
I'll ignore people with meaningless thoughts, play along with people who play, act with them actors & actresses and do what I'm supposed to do: study!

After tonight; I think I have to dedicate to my family & love a tattoo and one for myself. But of what, I don't know yet. These are a few ideas of placements. 

I have my ups and downs like many other people.
Even worse when my hormones go crazy with the month, but just bear with it.
I may have negative thoughts when my whole turbulence wave comes but at least they are only thoughts with no action put to it. It's just how I wish to express my hatred and my disagreement to the situation.
I know there's always a silver lining around every fluffy clouds in the world but with my choice, I'd like to choose my own path, and have my own chances.
Other people's failure doesn't mean it'll be the same for me. Maybe the possibilities of falling into the same down pit category is big because it's a majority factor but I believe I am special.
Everyone is special in their own way so am I.
I do not end up like other people out on the streets if I make myself better, if I make that choice and fall on my own.

I get back up.

Let me give it a try, give me a chance.
Don't judge me and try to put others' shadow in my reflection.
I am me, they are them.
Nothing ends the same if you don't let them to.

I believe in myself and as who I've believed in for so many years, I hope you give me some trust too.

Thanks.

Sometimes, problems come up and just so coincidentally, they happen to happen when you're in your moody days.
You feel like the world just collapsed on you, the whole world's burden on your shoulders.
It feels hard to breathe, it's hard to even look through the tear blinded eyes.
Do what you want, eat what you want or simply do nothing. Just give yourself a moment.
Free your mind, blast some music or just let the tears run.
Remember, life is too short to hold grudges for too long or to put a pause to.

You can't expect too much from a person can you?

We are all human beings, we all have feelings and we all have our personal times.

You can't expect a friend to always find time for you to hang out with you. A real friend would understand that it's time to really find time for each other. A real friend would understand you need your time and there's seriously no need for each other to meet that often, as long as they know you're doing well. A real friend would never force or say that you've changed because "You never hang out with us anymore."
A real friend would find ways to know who you've been doing without taking too much of your time. A little effort is needed to know, too much would mean that you're too obsessed. A real friend don't mind being distant but still close at heart, knowing that one day you'll find time to update each other.

Have you tried, not speaking for a long time, then telling each other stories of your life back again to your friend makes you remember how special the bond you have for each other and it's really comforting.

It's comforting to know how your real friend would stay, after that long time of silence, then appear to hear you out when it's time. Find a friend like that because a friend's not a diary/blog, you don't need it every second. Find some time for yourself, be independent. They don't owe you anything and you don't too except for the bond you share, where you have things to share.

I rather have that short longing feeling than to have to find topics to talk about every SECOND you meet your friend.

Absence makes the heart fonder.
This applies to friendship too.

I have a friend, who doesn't really matter how many times we've meet each other in four years time and yet we still know we can find each other to talk about things that really matter because sometimes it takes an old friend to remind you that you're you and no matter what happens, they'll be your back up.

A real friend will never mind if you find new friends as long as you let them know they are not forgotten. People change, they have lives too and they need changes. Be supportive and understand them.

Most of the times, those who find you where millions of people can see them (Facebook comments, Twitter,  or any other social medias where privacy isn't really private at all unless in inbox, private messages or text messages, or phone calls) need gossips to feed their craves, not because they want to really know what's been going on in life.

So, be wise. (:

& oh, unless you are their parents or they owe their life to you, you don't necessarily need to do anything for them out of guilt. If they are your real friends, they'd know that you have your reasons to not meet them because the timing's just not right. A real friend would never mind.

I didn't know, honestly, how hard it is for you. Maybe every time you step on the peddle, every time you're behind the wheels. There's this trauma replaying in your head that something like your friend would repeat itself.

I overlooked how it can be that important to you just because I wasn't myself and I was being childish. I couldn't think for you, or well, our safety. I know I'm reckless... I'm deeply sorry. From the deepest and most sincere heart, I'm sorry. Doesn't matter what it is, I naively thought that it would be okay to be reckless because you're okay with me getting my way out of things.

It matters to me, it matters to you too.

You know it.

I do too.

Don't deny it and let me know. I don't want to hurt you emotionally ever again, because believe me, believe us, we both know better than anyone else that, things that matter the most can never be taken lightly, it should always be something to be alert of. And the trust we have, it should be cherished, not played about.

Sorry...

I really am. Regretful and remorseful enough, I apologize.

I'm really sorry.

I will try my best. I don't expect you to forgive me, but I will change for the better.



There's this knot inside that'll never be untied because I understand and I've tried so many times. Yes, I shouldn't give up on things that easily but I'm really tired and I know that loosing this doesn't really mean I'll loose that much. All I need is to let loose of myself, set myself free from at least this one little knot. It's suffocating and it's eating me up slowly.

Yes, we maybe close, because you like being with me (as others would describe) but I'd love you to understand that if it means knowing ones dislikes but still very purposely/accidentally stepping on their tail; where's that so-called close friends. Preposterous. Ridiculous statement. For instance, I hate the feeling of being touch; human contact. It's not a phobia, but I have a feeling of discomfort inside me, telling me that I loathe touch. You know that fact, but still, you'll get itchy and do exactly it.

And no, there's nothing worth showing off if you know MORE about another, yes, it might get you a little shimmer of the spotlight but that shimmer is like a candle, once a little small wind movement would kill off the shine. What's that 'knowledge' for? To create more gossips and aim the spotlight at yourself? I don't understand, really.

I don't know, I don't want to leash out my anger that's why I'm holding it in. I don't want to regret after letting out on you because I snapped. I want to clear my mind, then talk to you about it. But sometimes, I wonder, I've told you more than once, constantly, repeatedly, but yet, you're the same, I don't see an ounce of change at all. Maybe you need something more serious than a few days of ignorance from me. Maybe, to you, I'm not serious at all. Most of the time I'm mad at you, you won't notice, because you think you're so good to be true? And yet, you can ask; "Who've pissed Penny off?"

We, humans, people.

Jaycee and I were suddenly talking about Mr. Simple's album and her friend gave her a poster and photocard of her bias; Siwon. And because I'm waiting for my album to come from Korea; she said this:My new motto: Try not to judge people too much; if I do, where will all my time be wasted on?