pennyQi: Abstract

Dancing in the Dark & Playing with Fire.

10:27 PM

Friends, this word can mean a lot.

They can destroy you, build you, cherish you, use you, betray you, accompany you, devastate you, cheer you, leave you or love you.

Occasionally you'll reach out and give them a helping hand. But very rarely they'll repay that debt. It's not an obligation because you're the one to reach out first, even when unasked.

And all human is the same, of course they'll expect on little repayment, even if it means a lunch treat or something more. This kind of expectation brings to only one outcome, disappointment. Because not everyone notices it when a friend helps them. Of course even when you help someone, you don't go brag on about it 24/7, if you do that, you're not even helping at all, you're only trying to get attention from them.

I remember doing the same thing, I still am. But that's the best you can do for a friend, a person who was a stranger but you came about to care for. Unless they fall, they'll never realize. Unless it has happened, they'll never wake up from the life long dream that they have a friend who'd do anything they ask them to. They'll have this fantasy where friend will forever be there to help them, to aid them, to support them and to cherish them. But, unless you're that blind or that stubborn to open your eyes, you'll never really get the help, the support and their blessings. We are human beings and we get tired too.

Regardless of the outcome, a friend would wish the best for you and never give up on you. Don't let the word give up appear in their mind when they think of you because it's then, they're really tired. They're exhausted and they'll have the lack of motivation to move themselves, they'll end up being engulfed by your problems, instead of their own. Because you've become their problem and people give up on solving problems sometimes and then you'll be abandoned.

Everything in life goes around in cycles, in circles. It's how life can be balanced. It's how you'd know that there's karma and there's faith in moving this friendship. Letting them know may be the best move but that would lead to a few outcomes: 1. They listen to you and change for the better or 2. They go on with their fantasy life style where things always go along their way and never will there be disappointment. 3. They never talk to you again because you're not 'supportive' enough as a friend.

These contradictions tire you, wear you out and depletes your soul.

It's hard to make a choice, I know but if you don't, it benefits neither sides and that time, it'll be too late to regret.

Abstract

For I Have Loved

1:15 AM

It has been a while since I last posted; almost a month. Gotta admit I got lazy this previous month. Something has come to my attention and I think, a post would be proper.

I've gotten it from a recent friend's blog: SIHYEEMC It's in Chinese & I'll have it translated here.

对伸出双手帮助你的人，存有感恩之心

人家没有义务及责任继续下去

可能，你会有无力继续下去的一天

但要明白，你只能尽力而为

对于不会珍惜的人

你心痛又能怎样

结果或许不是你想要的

可是当初你帮他时，也不是求他给你些什么回报

现在，他让你失望了

但至少你曾为了这朋友努力过

他的人生，成功与否

是他未来必须要面对的

你的责任结束了

我们永远在伸出双手时，同时在期望对方可能有所改变

你的帮助不是理所当然的，同时对方也不会如你所要的作出改变

因为这样而伤心，无力

多傻！

Be thankful to the person who has reached out to aid you.

They don't have the obligations to and responsibility to continue on.

Remember that you may not have the strength to carry on,

see that you have already tried your best.

To those who don't appreciate you,

who is to care about your pains and hardship?

The outcome may not be what you have wished for,

but when you reached out your hand,

you wished nothing in return.

But now, who you've helped, let you down.

But at the very least, you've tried your best on this friend.

Their life, their success;

Is what they must face on their own in the roads to come.

That's when your responsibility stops.

Whenever we reach out to help, in expectations that they would change.

Your helping hand is not as expected, and they don't have to change because of you.

When that happens, and you feel beat up;

How silly.

Sometimes, we put too much confidence in ourselves that others would change as long as we want them to; as long as we support them and tell them to, even for their own good. But this kind of expectation usually leads to disappointment because not everyone has this ability to change a person's view, not every person has this willingness to really change as they think they know themselves the most. Sometimes, those who are close to you are able to tell you truth from the delusional small lies your heart tells your brain.

Open up your mind, take in some opinions. They never hurt.

Change your heart, once you think that the help is enough, do yourself some good and back up a little, don't hurt yourself even if it means it's a sacrifice you're willing to let go off.

Abstract

The L Word.

1:44 AM

Abstract

For the New Year.

5:05 AM

Abstract

Crossed Paths

8:56 AM

Abstract

Lessons Learned.

5:05 AM

So, something in my head went haywire and I confessed to my mom. I told my mom about it and her initial conclusion was (if I assume correctly) to remove it instantly, scrape off my skin or whatever. But the next morning, it was as if nothing had happened. Behind all these insanity strikes, I'm glad it happened. I'm glad I had the sudden moment of bravery to blurt it out. Of course, I was bummed but I feel much better now.

Sometimes, you wonder why people have to act so know-it-all ? There are two answers to that: one; people are too ignorant of what others think around them, or that the world does not evolve around them only, OR, two; self protection from their own ignorance. In conclusion, people do not want to get hurt and choose to hurt others before they get hurt. And hence, being the same, DEEP INSIDE, we tend to get confused sometimes, but all we've gotta realize is that, people have their different ways of protecting themselves, eg: ignorant, hurtful, bitchy, cocky, pretentious, and not that every one can accept the way the others are acting.

Life has given us choices & chances but we, don't deny this, aim for the other 'C's, cash, credit, car = LUXURY. Sometimes, all you need is that leap of faith, that moment where you have Confidence in what you heart is thinking and go for it. If it's bad news, learn from it, take it as a lesson. It it's good news, appreciate it. Don't take things for granted. Don't take what life has given us; Choices & Chances. Pick a sweet, the toothache may be worth it, if not go find a dentist.

Disappointment comes from great expectations but without expectations, comes regrets. So yeah, life's a bitch, gives us dilemma. But, if you fall, pick yourself up and show them you're strong. It takes a strong person to realize the worst side of life. Light up that fire in yourself and keep on moving.

"A person who has experienced more is graded below a person who has heard more from people with experiences." So I was told and it's true. Because it's like you can see beforehand the consequences, the possibilities. With that you can avoid hitting right on into the matter. But sometimes, it's okay to 'trial and error'. Just don't be too overboard and there's nothing to boast about being experienced in everything, not everything is worth showing off of, like; stepping on shit, or something likewise.

I hope there's really a remote control in life, to 'pause' life and give yourself some time to think.

Abstract

如果我能

5:57 AM

Abstract

Drawing lines.

2:01 AM

WARNING: Might be confusing. Ah, forget that, IT IS CONFUSING.

You know, sometimes, you don't like how people go straight to you and say it in your face that you're being a bitch ( OR a bastard if you're a guy, I'm being general here ) But you have to admit that; it does you good after, you know, like a few seconds depending how fast you can reflect and process everything in your brain.

Here's this; I won't be pin-pointing what or when or who this is about, you should know better(those involved or those interested to know the truth you do not wish to admit; you stubborn asses!) but I realized this today; 11th June 2011. And I'm grateful this stubborn ass (me) finally decided to admit this; I am cool with honesty. I will accept the truth, in anything, I'll try to.

Sometimes, maybe all the times, you just seem to fail to notice that you're doing something that pisses/offends someone else off (except when you're doing it for purpose; then it's a totally different thing) and that person is just too nice or to quiet about it. To you, it may be nothing and totally mundane, an easy usual thing that slips off your mind, but to someone who notices; it's equivalent to pushing them off the bus seat they've been waiting for for like, ten long minutes ! (Imagine Malaysian weather, ten minutes is like then freaking years !)

But after a while you'll notice that something's irking that friend of yours but you keep quiet, not wanting to admit the fact. Then, late night, wishing your friend would post something about it on Facebook or Tumblr or Twitter, letting you know that what you felt was right and you did act like an idiot, some bitch/bastard. Then you'll regret and try to change, still pretending you did not see the post/status, and when things turn worse because you did not say a thing; you regret more and become depressed for a whole night; not being able to sleep or do anything right. Like your one and only pet just died. That kind of feeling.

This is when you should thank the creation of all the almighty social networks and how you're grateful you have frank friends.

Pretentious people; why 90% of us people are like that ?

Well, no one's perfect; that's what makes the world balance and perfect. (Yes, I do make sense here if you read properly, if you don't see the sense in this; come back later to re-read this when you're feeling the same feel I'm feeling.)

I'm not going to conclude this because it's a never ending debate with what your heart and mind have to say. These two take turns to win a debate; but what leads on after the victory of it is never known.

I know we're not the best of friends, we don't share every little secret with each other or share much in common but sometimes, it takes someone who isn't your best friend to let you know things like these. All best friends should start learning this. If your best friend hates your guts for being honest, screw them; it'll slowly hit them right in the face that you're right and they're being naive and you're right and have been the best thing ever to have.